Amber. Marin County. September 2017.
We’re just hanging at a pool party. Amber’s daughter is swimming in the pool. Mamma Amber looks good in everything – it’s a dream really or a fantasy for me to look good in a dress like this. She looks so thin, even in a dress with no shape.
After I complimented Amber, we started talking about how as women, we constantly criticize ourselves. I’m so guilty of this. We talked about how it seems shallow, but in actuality it comes from a very deep place. I wish I could feel self confident all the time, and not be concerned with my exterior – whether I look thin, curvy, pretty, fit—it’s an internal struggle most females start confronting as young as 11. We discussed putting ourselves down and how it becomes a habit for many women. Even if we know we’re bad ass..we want to humble ourselves to be more relatable – or maybe that’s just me?
When I was maybe 11, I had this close friend, who for some reason thought it was amusing to walk up to people at our camp and ask “who’s prettier, Mara or me?”. I thought it was so weird, but was intimidated by her odd confidence because I stayed quiet. And she did it all the time that summer.
I hadn’t even thought that much about my looks back then, and her behavior caused naive me to realize that looks matter, and people rate and compare beauty. At 11, I hardly showered, and now I had to be insecure about my exterior, when I was just happy being a kid. And after her constant beauty surveys, I wondered, is she prettier than me? I used comedy to hide the fact that I was totally uncomfortable with her asking people who was prettier. At a young age I was well versed in using self deprecation and comedy to avoid being the recipient of hurt.
Because she believed she was prettier and her own belief, although cocky – made all of us believe HER truth. I guess self deprecation no matter how charming, how it makes everyone feel more comfortable, disarms them – may in reality make the person doing it, seem less than. I was a tough kid who used “fuck” and “asshole” in my regular conversations, but emotionally I didn’t have the guts to just tell that girl to take her pretty face and go “fuck herself”.
I’ve tried to be better about putting myself down – because it’s true, the more you say something, the more it’s your truth and the people around you start to also believe your words. It seems less fun, and inauthentic at times – – BUT I’m still funny gosh darn it.
I kinda am obsessed with indigo. It’s so comfy, cool and it’s that color I love so much. Indigo make EVERYTHING look insanely stylish – I’m picturing bags, belts, leggings, socks – -leg warmers !!!!
SO a lot of people, especially my Cali crew of DIY peeps are making indigo. I’m so ADD, I keep thinking about it, but following directions is a daunting process for me. I need someone to show me how in person, and elbow me when I get distracted. Here’s a blog, which does a great job of explaining how to make indigo fabric step by step, even I could do it..https://indiesew.com/blog/how-to-indigo-dye-fabric
Love the color of these sandals – maroon has been hot for a while now – I dig a maroon bag -very early late 70’s, early 80’s. These sandals are by Beatrice Valenzuela, http://beatricevalenzuela.com from Erica Tanov, https://www.ericatanov.com/stores.html
The Adidas slides craze has influenced high end designers to make “fancy” slides.
Erica Tanov is a beautiful store in Marin County and Berkeley with such a well curated collection of accessories and apparel.
Hair on funky point…
It’s a hot day in Marin County and this dress is perfect as a pool cover up or an option not to sweat profusely on a 90 degree California day.
A little Kabbalah red string… it goes a long way
Tortoise shell glasses and an authentic smile.