In Spiritual Road Rage….

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I’m driving on a two lane county road in Northern California. The car in front of me is going 10 MPH, holding up so much traffic, they don’t seem to notice. I make sure they aren’t elderly or lost, nope. I take the lead for all the cars, with a honk and look.

I control myself from screaming you fucking idiot, stop driving high, it’s making us all late!! and then they pull in here..

Unwrapped Tampons are not Haute

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Mill Valley, California

I love after getting my car washed, when the car washers find stuff and leave it on your console, like my favorite blush brush, oh and an unwrapped tampon. Not needing this particular tampon, I walk over to throw it away, and the car washer says “what is that?” A cigarette? All in Spanish, (what is Spanish for Tampon?) And then maybe I start showing him what it’s used for in a “mime” type way.. Suddenly, after seeing the stares, I realize I’m horrible at miming

Try Me? Vulva Balm.

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It said try me, and the next thing I know I’m being escorted out of the store

So I’m not a GYN, but I do have a Vulva and used to have a Volvo.  I’m pretty confident that access to ones Vulva is not easy, and couldn’t be causally accessed in a grocery store.

Strolling through the beauty/vitamin/health section at Good Earth in Fairfax, California – an amazing grocery store, filled with integrity in all their products, I start slathering on all the sample creams. I’m obsessed with my skin feeling dewy and greasy, ask anyone how many leather couches I’ve ruined. My own therapist had to charge me a security deposit, which i’ll never get back, for the damage I would obviously do to his fancy Design Within Reach sofa.

First, I opened the vulva cream to smell it, obviously not knowing it was vulva cream – then I read the label!! “try me” “vulva cream” – nothing surprises me in the land of milk and honey – I quickly closed the top and made sure no one spotted me sniffing cream meant for ones vulva. And so I had to share & make a joke: here were some of the comments:

Andrea: But isn’t your vulva already da bomb? #sorrynotsorry

Bunmi:  oy-e vay!

Lori: Lmao! Are you sure it wasn’t the camel toe that offended them?

Erika: You absolutely won the Internet today. Like 1,000 times you did.

Erika: And as a side note, what the hell is vulva balm?

Mara Menachem: Exactly Erika – and why would a grocery store have a “try me” sticker on vulva balm , so by “winning” this so called “internet”, do I get some sort of academy award

Erika: A lifetime supply of vulva balm, ensuring you’ll never have chapped “lips” again.

Mitch: People are so touchy about their vulvas

Andrew: Oxford Dictionary: Definition of try me:
Used to suggest that one may be willing to do something unexpected or unlikely:

Andrew: A store filled with groups of women applying vulva cream is “something unexpected and unlikely.” By any chance, was Ashton Kutcher nearby?

Mara Menachem: Ha!!! Why Ashton?

Mara Menachem: It’s a grocery store with a holistic section –

Andrew: Uh Punk’d. How long exactly has it been since you’ve owned a television? I know it’s frowned upon in Marin.

Andrew: Holistic or whole finger? Too soon?