Try Me? Vulva Balm.


It said try me, and the next thing I know I’m being escorted out of the store

So I’m not a GYN, but I do have a Vulva and used to have a Volvo.  I’m pretty confident that access to ones Vulva is not easy, and couldn’t be causally accessed in a grocery store.

Strolling through the beauty/vitamin/health section at Good Earth in Fairfax, California – an amazing grocery store, filled with integrity in all their products, I start slathering on all the sample creams. I’m obsessed with my skin feeling dewy and greasy, ask anyone how many leather couches I’ve ruined. My own therapist had to charge me a security deposit, which i’ll never get back, for the damage I would obviously do to his fancy Design Within Reach sofa.

First, I opened the vulva cream to smell it, obviously not knowing it was vulva cream – then I read the label!! “try me” “vulva cream” – nothing surprises me in the land of milk and honey – I quickly closed the top and made sure no one spotted me sniffing cream meant for ones vulva. And so I had to share & make a joke: here were some of the comments:

Andrea: But isn’t your vulva already da bomb? #sorrynotsorry

Bunmi:  oy-e vay!

Lori: Lmao! Are you sure it wasn’t the camel toe that offended them?

Erika: You absolutely won the Internet today. Like 1,000 times you did.

Erika: And as a side note, what the hell is vulva balm?

Mara Menachem: Exactly Erika – and why would a grocery store have a “try me” sticker on vulva balm , so by “winning” this so called “internet”, do I get some sort of academy award

Erika: A lifetime supply of vulva balm, ensuring you’ll never have chapped “lips” again.

Mitch: People are so touchy about their vulvas

Andrew: Oxford Dictionary: Definition of try me:
Used to suggest that one may be willing to do something unexpected or unlikely:

Andrew: A store filled with groups of women applying vulva cream is “something unexpected and unlikely.” By any chance, was Ashton Kutcher nearby?

Mara Menachem: Ha!!! Why Ashton?

Mara Menachem: It’s a grocery store with a holistic section –

Andrew: Uh Punk’d. How long exactly has it been since you’ve owned a television? I know it’s frowned upon in Marin.

Andrew: Holistic or whole finger? Too soon?